Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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