I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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