1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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