At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
