do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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