If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
After tacos, we're chasing women.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize