Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
