is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
