You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
