So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
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The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
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with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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