What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
