hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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