sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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