i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You need a sexual gate keeper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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