You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
