Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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