if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
