she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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