i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize