so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
