Can Purell be used as lube?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
