i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I will be naked everywhere
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
