its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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