Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
