did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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