Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
