how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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