I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
