Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
