And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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