i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
