the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
