i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
