Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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