I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
