I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
the raccoons are back...
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