I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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