I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
