Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
