i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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