I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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