It's like a parade of train wrecks.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
