i was born a porn star she said
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
