I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I have already put on my inside pants.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
