3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
