All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
