I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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