The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
