I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
