If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
