Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
