"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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