Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
