my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Oh god it's open bar.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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