why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
