you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
