I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
