Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
