bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
