I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
