youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
