I like to think it a success when the cops are called
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
