I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
it glows. i had to have it.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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