Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
