Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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