The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
