wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
