you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
