ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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