You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
