It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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