so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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