Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
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