i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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