What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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